Domestic Abuse

Domestic violence and abuse isnt always talked about and sometimes gets swept under the rug especially in the court system of the United States. It is scary and there are many forms of it from physical to mental.

I have survived both in childhood as well as adulthood. My parents had a bad marriage and often crapped on each other to me. I was heavily bullied in school and in 1993 witnessed my drunk Dad attack my Uncle and was arrested. I also rarely was bought new clothes and food was scarce at times. My 1997 suicide attempt was treated like a family embarrassment and swept under the rug instead of dealing what caused it. While my parents and I developed a better relationship later the 1980's and 1990's were rough. I should have revieved physilogical care then but it is what it is.

Now 10 years later I went to mental health and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. While there I met my future husband and we married in 2008. It went well for a few years but in 2009 he got drunk with Whiskey berated me and I mouthed him off. He choked me and threw the phone and my moms walker out the door. I went out to get them and he locked me out. I had him arrested ofcourse. His enabling mother ofcourse took his side. She should have disciplined him as a child instead of enabling and coddling him but thats another story. We lost the trailor we lived in by selling it to pay for his attorney. That should have sent me running but I loved him and had low self esteem...hell I still have low self esteem worsened by his verbal abuse.

We have lost several places due to his damages caused by breakdowns and fits. Most recently a trailor in Galesburg in December of 2020 which he faces a court trial soon and Im sure he will get a slap on the wrist as he always does. Im sure he will trash the hell outbof me in court. Im guilty of arguing with him but never gotten very violent. I slapped him a few times when he blocked me in to escape his yelling and tirades. One in Canton and once in Galesburg. He harrasses all day and never lets you have any peace when he is like that. He calls names and makes threats even threatening to kill himself. He accussed me of cheating and didnt like it if i went out too long to avoid him. He didnt like I had made friends or talked to others. I railfan and have a huge interest in Railroads and their history.  My ex didnt like it I had hobbies outside of the home. He never wanted to go out and make friends and if he wanted to by expressing it he wanted to go to a bar to drink and eat.

Well from 2016-2022 he only gotten worse with damages, verbal abuse, self harm and violence. He put holes in walls, punched a window out, cut him self and wrote on bathroom mirrors in his blood, trashed our homes, and blackmailed, threatened and verbally insulted me. He called me disgusting, unattractive, made fat jokes, mocked my tracheostomy, and trashed my dead parents as well as call me a retard numberous timed. I had low self esteem and thought I deserved it so tolerated it.  I was made fun of for being ugly and fat in school I figured this was just normal.

He wasnt only just mean to me but his mother, brother and my mother. His brother died of an over dose in 2018 suspected suicide but not sure as there was no note.y ex argued and ragged on him that night. I went to bed tired of it. I guess the next morning my ex found him dead. He tried blaming me. No your brother chose to take pills no one forced him and that my ex was the one arguing with him prior and I simply went to bed tired of it. I had no idea he would die. He was a pill popper often messed up so thought it was just him being loopy as always from it. Shaun didnt even call 911 he sat on his brothers bed crying and blamed. I went down stairs to check on him, i called 911 and checked for any signs of life. There was none. A hell of a thing to wake up too and I hope his brother didnt suffer. Poor guy.

A few days later when I was a sleep my ex attempted suicide by slitting his wrists and splattered blood and had pools of blood all over the room his brother died and he left. I had no idea where he went so I called 911.  The vops had a dog out searvhing for him. He came back and was taken to the hospital and spent time in a mental ward in Urbana for a week or two. I was all he had so I stayed. I wad traumatized I had to stay at someone elses place fir a few days before I can enter the room of the death and blood from the ex.

Over the past few years our relationship worsened and yelling for us and bickering was common. I was always on edge. It also added to my depression. I sought help from a womens crisis center and still do to talk about it as well as help with order of protections, the divorce and court. They have been a hod send. In December 2020  once again we lost another home. It started with arguing all day, him not leaving me alone abd it esculated to where I wanted to call the cops. He tried to grab the phone and pinned me down to get it from behind my back. I tried to protect it as he has a history of busting phones. He grabbed it and as i got up he ripped my shirt with force and I fell to the floor. He was yelling at me and had such hatred in his eyes like evil. He blamed me for everyone of our families deaths over 12 or 13 years including my parents.  I couldnt call 911 as he had the phone so i escaped out of the house and drove to a gas station in Knoxville. A cop talked to me and sent officers to the home. They discovered smoke coming from the windows. They pounded on door eventually he answered. He yelled I was Bipolar and set his mattrace on fire. Yeah right kind of hard to do when I was at a gas station a half a mile away but I digress. He eventually admitted he broke the phone and set the fire. He was arrested.

I initially went back to him due to low self esteem, being alone and not knowing what to do. I have health issues and carrying stuff in dead winter with frigid temps and snow became too much. A friend helped some especially when a tire on my car went flat. The friend has also been a god send at times.

The ex and I moved to Havana and lived out of a motel for a few months til we found an apartment in Banner. Well I did as a friend told me about it. My cousin in Tennessee helped pay what was initially for car repairs but some paid the down payment on the apartment and I paid rent each month out of my own money. You would think he would learn or we at this matter I should have never taken him back. He will never change or seek mental treatment on his own. Afterca few instances of verbal abuse  and back and forth living conditions he was eventually removed.

In October 2021 I filed for divorce which was granted in January 2022. Due to his homelessness in dead winter I felt sorry for him and had him stay here. He didnt learn and returned to yelling, verbal abuse and making messes. He threatened me more than once he will take me down in court if I testify or try anything.  I reminded him who pays this apartment and my cousin paid the down payment. He called my cousin a retard.  He thought he was entitled to the home.  Then again he is a narcissist with mental issues. All he ever talked about was how great he was and other odd crap. He is oblivious to the truth and no doubts delusional. He will not be coming back as he is now banned from the property and had an Order of Protection out. His last offense was it was his apartment and i didnt get out he would kill my cat. He lunged at the cat. I grabbed the phone to call for help and went outside barefoot. He locked me out. The cops came and knocked multiple times til he eventually answered. He was arrested on a warrant for missing court. I had no idea he had one as he said he took care of it as well as served his time. Hopefully after his bench trial I never have to see or hear from him again and hope to god he doesnt retaliate. This is my story of surviving abuse and now trying to rebound mentally from a decade of it. 

If women need help seek it out. Tell your doctor, a crisis center or who ever you can and there are hotlines. I also reconize men get abused too but often too ashamed to say anything. You cannot recover til you take those steps either gender who is being abused. Dont do what I did by keep going back notjing will change and alot of these abusers are narcissists or sociopaths who will never change. Sometimes Im sad, mad or numb to it all and thats alright. Grief and recovering takes time. Time heals all wounds eventually.

Pictures of all he has done over the years: (2015-2022)